A CHANCE MEETING UNDER COVERS PROVIDES HOPE OF THINGS TO COME IN THE FUTURE?

i am at home this weekend with my friend jennifer - i will not be adding a photo of here here right now - but if you would really like to see her you can go to this site and troll around till you find her - it really isn't that hard and i do suggest that you do it if you have some time - she is a rather nice looker - hot -

anyway - yes i am at home right now because i was to attend a wedding of two dear friends of our family - needless to say i was at the wedding and it was a marvolous affair - the wedding itself had a poetry reading - a string quartet that played "the rights of spring" as the prelaude - and kanon by pachebelle which is another fine song that i like - the ceremony was nice and short - all in all lasting about 30 minutes - which is not bad at all - the after party - or reception was delightful - there was an icesculpture of two people embracing each other - the groom just about cried during his toast to his new wife - he is so in love - the wife thanked everyone for making her day very special - which i thought was tacky - but that is the way she is - she kept refering to it as her day - oh well - some people you just can't help - no manners -

it was set up that after the reception - jennifer and myself would go to the city and go to our little bar up there - also that we would go and stay the night at the boys house - yes the boy said it was ok - and he even cleaned for us - not that it wasn't clean before - but it was more spruced up now - we got to the reception at oh i think 6 and we left at about 10:15 - so we were just out at the bar having fun - and since i was kinda blitzed at the wedding reception i was even more drunk at the bar then - i had been drunk for 5 and 1/2 hours when we finally left the bar - i was falling asleep leaning on a bar stool - that is so sad - also i wasn't really having much any fun - it was just a weird night - so we went back to the boys apt where he proceeded to let jennifer sleep in his bed and him and i slept on the old matress he had in his closet - this was so nice - i was shocked - well - the boy is the type of person who would do that for someone - give up his bed for a guest - but it was just seeing it in action - i was in awe and oh so smitten with him - he is so generous - god i love that kid - well after some blah television we all went to sleep - and sometime during the night the boy rolled over and cozied up next behind me and put his arm around me onto my belly - oh god - i thought i had died - i never thought i would feel that again - but i did - and it was the best thing in the whole world - oh i love him so much - we laid like that for some time - and i kept thinking i wanted to wake up like that everyday - i hope i will get the chance to -

STARTING OVER WITH A LITTLE HELP

so i officially got a job offer today - the boys and girls home offered me a job working in the south sioux city treatment center - if you go here and click on the south sioux city icon on the map and you can see a little bit of what i will be doing - it should be good work - and i am just completely relieved that i have a job - it is a giant load off of me - now i can work on getting an apartment faster and establishing my life faster - but now i have a problem - i will be working in south sioux city - - - - - and i wanted to get an apartment in morningside - but that will be one hell of a drive everyday - well i would just have to cut through alot of the city - so maybe i will rethink my idea of living downtown by the other kids i know - i could probably find a place down there fairly cheep and it would be nice - i would only be worried about the neighborhood - some of the area down there isn't exactly nice - but oh well - i hava a while to look at all my options -

ONE A DAY LIKE TODAY - I WANT TO DIE

things that are going on are just crazy right now - i am really not sure what is happening - i am going to be moving home in a little while and i am starting to get aprehensive about the whole thing - just moving to a place where i know very few people - it is a thing that no one wants to do - and considering that i know very few people around there and i am moving from a place where i know lots of people - it is jsut getting to me now - i am starting to realize what is going to happen - i mean i know i am going to be working every day - but just after that - socializing and things - knowing people and doing what with whom? - it is a scary thought - i know a few people - but i can't be with them all the time - it is just a strange place - i am in a stange place in my life where i do not know what i want to do - it is just weird - i hate it - i am having lots of thoughts against moving home - and wanting to stay here - but i know it is just cause i am going to miss my friends and ties - it will happen - i will miss them - i am just all full of contradictions now -

I DROVE ALL NIGHT

so i would just like to say that just when you think that things are hopeless - something happens and you just rethink everything - well last saturday i had a graduation party - and it was probably one of the best times that i have ever had - but to make that night one of the best - someone came down and surprised me - on friday i had met him for dinner and asked him to stop down - he joked and said that he didn't want to die and that he wouldn't - and i figured that i tried - i did all i could - oh well there is not much else i can do - and there really wans't anything else i could do - so i went home that night and i talked with him on saturday morning before and he told me to have a good time and drink a drink for him - i said ok - thinking he was not coming and all - so i got all packed and my friends and i (jen and sarah) drove down to the hotel early to get some food and check in - after we did all that we drove to the garden and we kinda got lost on the way - and who did we pass - the boy - we passed chris - he came - he drove down to des moines to come to the party - i was shocked - i was in awe - i didn't even know what to say - i just kept saying - dammit he is so sneaky - and he is - but he did end up coming down - and i was completely shocked - i can't believe he did that for me - i have told him over and over again that i owe him so much for that - he did something he necessarily did not want to do - how can i not love that - well anyway - i got really drunk and apparenly kept running up to him and giving him hugs while he was sitting at the table - funny - he is so great - i love it - i a completely in it -

THE BASIC SIX

so lucky me - the night after i write about it - it happens - i got my call back today - yes i rock - but anyway - i was called by the supervisor today to set up the second interview - and how exiciting - he said he wanted it to be asap - which i guess means they want to make a decision asap - or something like that - i am not sure - but anyway - i set it up for friday the 16th at nine in the morning - which means i will have to leave on thursday - cause there is not way in hell i am leaving ames at 4 to get there in time - well i could - but it is not gonna happen - but - the frightening part is that he told me there were six supervisors who wanted to interview me at that time for potential positions - what i get we'll see - but that means it will be me and seven other people in some room - and i will be grilled to death - roasted over an open something - who knows - but i think it will not be pretty - but hell - this is one step closer to finding a job and getting the hell out - to put it in miss llews words - whoot!

50 QUESTIONS

i had an interview last friday with the boys and girls home in sioux city - it was a good thing - i would have to say that i feel that the interview went very well - i met with the director of human resources and talked with him briefly before we did the actual interview - he asked me 25 of 50 objective questions that ranged from 'what would you do in this situation...' to what do you think about at night when you are relaxing' - which i enoyed - over all i actually thought it was kinda fun - as it turns out - the home is actually an old hospital - yup - it is a huge place that is shaped like a 8 story X - certian wings are for certian areas and certian cases - but i was granted a 2nd interview so i am happy about this - when i am not sure yet - but sometime i will be back there doing an interview - yeah - i am so happy - also - my training cordinator at ACCESS wrote me a killer reference letter that just oozes professionalism - it makes me sound like i could part the oceans if i want to - and even though i can - it was still good - so i am getting ever closer to sioux city and out of my house - which is good because apparently some mistakes by my ex are going to keep him here longer - i just want to leave him behind - and move on - and i thin i will