i spent christmas in the hospital today - it wsa pretty depressing - i hope i am never placed in such a situation as being in the hospital on such a holiday - it would be so sad - well i was ok - amidst the panic attack i had when i saw my grandmother with her feeding tube and central lines - i would normally have been fine - but since seeing my best friend with the same contraptions attached to her while she clinged to life - i just can't really stomach hospitals and the critical patients - it is just too much for me - but everything is becoming more stable for them - i think it will be better in a while - well a long while - but that is all we can wish for -

it is a strange thing to feel in love - it has a strange sort of feeling - starting in your head with thoughts - slowly moving throughout the rest of your body - like a ripple effect - it slowly puts your body under a spell - love - it hits you - you are in love - the sight of the person you know - it starts the ripple from your eyes to your toes - everything becoming woozie - the sights and smells of it all hightening - everything becoming more sensual - it is love - the feelings - they never fade over the day - it keeps with you - haunting you of what you are not doing - who you are not with - it is a mysterious chemical - easy to make addicts of its followers - i am an addict now - i am feeding upon the love -

i really like christina aguleras new video - it is very nice and sweet - very though provoking - the whole idea about the different kinds of people who are beautiful - the image of the two gay boys making out is powerful to say the least - how it just shows their faces - kissing - like everyone else in the world - it is beautiful - just happy and nice and carefree - i someday wish to be able to do that - to kiss someone - my love - outside - and not worry about it - not worry about people staring - the other images are great too - the anorexic girl - the racially mixed girl - the freckled girl - the skinny boy and the drag man - it is all so pretty - how they realize they are beautiful - and that they are all that matters - when the two guys kiss - there is such love in their eyes - they look to be in love - happy - i hope i will be someday -

last night i experienced a small disaster - while i was working on my sociological theory paper - my laptop decided to die on me - frist the screen went a little nuts and then it just stopped working all togeather - it was very sad - luckly i saved my paper on a disk - and then unluckly that my other computer ate my disk - then i just about did cry - how was i ever to get this paper done from scratch again - well i staied up all night - but i got the whole paper done - at about seven this morning - so i am pretty happy about that - and truthfull - i actually think that it turned out very well - i think it is actually one of my better papers - pretty interesting - i also got to talk to the boy last night - it was really sweet - he was pretty supportive when i was having my mini break down about my paper - he is so cute - i can't wait to see him this weekend - we really had a good time over thanksgiving - and we have been talking alot - i really hope this isn't just a one time thing - but oh well - focus on the now - i can't wait to see him - it is going to be so much fun - oh i am so excited to see him - well i think i may go to sleep - i hav been up for 28 hours now -

welcome to the beginning of the world according to me -